Allan Sherman (1924-1973) was an American satirist who wrote parodies of popular songs, including folk songs. He happened to live next door to Harpo Marx, who invited him to sing his parodies at parties, one of which was attended by George Burns, who arranged for him to sign a contract with a record producer, leading to his very successful album, \"My Son the Folksinger\" (1962), followed closely by \"My Son, the Celebrity\". These albums were designed to appeal mainly to American Jewish culture. His later albums tried to attract a broader audience, and he had a big hit with \"Hello, Muddah, Hello, Faddah\" a song about summer camp set to Ponchielli's \"Dance of the Hours\".
This song about how to avoid military service, obviously a bit out of date these days, is from his 1966 album, \"Allan Sherman Live!!! (Hoping You Are the Same).\" It uses the tune of the song \"Balling the Jack.\"
Lyrics and chords:
E
First you tell your draft board you're hooked on dope,
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You don't need the army, 'cause you've seen Bob Hope.
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Walk around the floor kinda nice and loose,
A .................. E ........... B7 ......... E
Tell 'em your fiance's name is Bruce.
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When they ask about your schooling, then you say
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That you studied under Cassius Clay,
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Then put some lipstick on when you're photographed
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And that's what I call - dodging the draft.
Then you show the captain a note from Mum.
Stand there while he reads it and suck your thumb.
When he takes your history, state with pride,
\"Benedict Arnold was on my father's side.\"
He'll hand you an IQ test. Just look at it with gloom.
Then fold it like an aeroplane and sail it 'cross the room.
If they believe you don't know you're far from your raft,
That's what I call - shirking your military responsibilities.
Clomp around the floor like your feet are flat.
When they ask about your hearing, just say, \"How's that?\"
If the sergeant wants a cigarette, treat him right.
Set fire to your draft card and offer him a light.
When you see the eye-chart, don't worry at all.
Say, \"I'll be glad to read it. Just point me at the wall.\"
And if the draft board acts in the usual way,
You'll be what they call - One A!
